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Cheaper Than Therapy [Album]

by Fisky

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1.
We never wanted to talk about it afraid that our talk would get us labelled for crazy talking and suddenly you’re the talk of the town and where did all the talking get us anyway because talk of the Devil and that motherfucker still appears on your shoulder They say a problem shared is a problem halved but when I tell you about the way my Daddy died it didn’t bring him back When I tell you I’d like to bring him back just to kill him again you back away from me like I’m the scene of the crime I don’t see you around so much and I know it’s because I admitted to much became a puzzle you could never compete and no-one wants to hang around with someone who’s mostly broken pieces We never talk about it preferring to communicate with body language which is why when I say come over tonight what I mean is losing myself in the folds of your flesh is the only way I know how to talk about it When you come back with blood on your fist because you punched your fears into another mans face it was the only way you knew how to cry about it It’s easier to live in the loud scream of someone else than in the silence of your own self The men I know never made friends with silence they know the sound of 3am sirens of the word no and how it echoes back at them of pint glasses smashing and the exact sound of a skull cracking the men I know say silence is the sound that goes off just before the guns do before you have to run to the front line stand shoulder to shoulder men in a line biting tongues and spitting out lies just to keep a version of a man alive this is what a man is hold the line, hold the line you’ve watched men hold lines all your life Stand in them swallow them or sniff them it doesn’t really matter you’re all holding onto something that isn’t real the only line you ever really saw was the one your friend used to cradle his throat before he snapped his own neck and hung from the end of the washing line and his open mouth is a silent scream you can’t stop hearing The women I know never made friends with silence they know how loud a baby can cry when it’s hungry what the debt collectors knock sounds like how promises make the loudest sound of all when they break The women I know say silence is what they do when he wraps a hand around their throat because anything else will make it worse they know how to bite tongues and swallow refusals as they listen to their footsteps pounding concrete floors run faster, run faster, run faster they can’t always run fast enough and then their own screams become a sound you can’t stop hearing So no we don’t always want to talk about it but silence is only golden if you can afford it we we can afford small talk and pillow talk we talk shit and double talk smooth talk and trash talk fast talk and talk dirty we keep talking the talk talking shop and talking big we talk to our girls and run it by our boys wait for someone to straight talk and talk it over and yes it might be cheap talk but it’s cheaper than therapy
2.
[Intro] There ain’t nothing wrong with me Aha There ain’t nothing wrong with me [Verse 1] There’s no I in denial and I can’t find one in smile why the interrogation why am I on trial why ask the question you know you won’t like the reply look I’m trying it ain’t my fault everybody keeps dying I should be used to it by now right? death’s a part of life I ain’t sighing I ain’t crying I ain’t lying I like lying here I’ll open the blinds in a while at the moment I’mma hide because I’m tired of prying eyes kiss the daylight goodbye as I gaze at the night sky until it’s time to rise half asleep but wide eyed baggage? What? No… that’s just my storage pile it’s more a place I keep things to remind of simpler times we can talk a while but first here’s my shoes walk a mile I’ll walk a mile with a smile while denying I’m in denial addicted ridiculous I’ll stop anytime I’m fine now pass a line its five I got work at nine [Chorus] There ain’t nothing wrong with me I’m telling you I’m fine don’t worry about a thing There ain’t nothing wrong with me ‘Cos everybody’s got something that they can’t forget There ain’t nothing wrong with me Yeah I’m telling you I’m fine don’t worry about a thing There ain’t nothing wrong with me Just let me be now [Verse 2] My thoughts got the sharpest tongue being me far from fun comments you can feel free to fire off your smartest one I guarantee you my response will be the darkest one planted seeds in hatred now it’s time to harvest some the apples all fell from the tree I ain’t the farthest one poetry in my soul I really am my father’s son hurting so badly now I’m hurting those around me isolate myself so now it’s me myself and I but I can’t stand myself and me won’t even try resist change when presented resent it even when it’s for my benefit I’m stubborn and pig headed I ain’t changing shit you can’t make me click edit what I’m supposed to dead it ‘cos you read a thread on reddit forget it there’s more chance of my account being in credit or accounting for decisions made knowing I’ll regret it an addict that acted like a naughty kid and kicked the bricks the easy bit it’s dealing with these demons I’m uneasy with [Chorus] There ain’t nothing wrong with me I’m telling you I’m fine don’t worry about a thing There ain’t nothing wrong with me ‘Cos everybody’s got something that they can’t forget There ain’t nothing wrong with me Just let me be now
3.
I rise to the top no surprises in stock keep your eyes on the clock ‘cos it’s time that you watched it’s my spot I’ll stop when my heart does keep it moving forward force drive like a spark plug start-up destination high as fuck getting there by any means I swear this guy could fly a bus I keep a residence in vestibules of sound and best of all I’m set to pull the motherfucker down bare hands on the rubble sifting through with no survivors spitting jewels touch the mic and do a midas home ain’t where the heart is it’s where I start shit craft hits full of bars over hard kicks your rents due I got the statement on the lot evicting where you’re living and I’m changing every lock replace them with grenades turn estates to a bomb site I made it home safe at the end of a long night If home is where the heart is what happens when home gets ripped apart and you’re outside starkers locked out heartless no simple answer when I’m asked this regardless I write my hardest bars in the darkness chaos my partner filled the hole where my heart fit shadows from the past left me silhouettes to dance with fuck a body when I’m done this one’ll be my last track pen a slow burner leave it hanging like cigar ash old me would take a beat and line it with regret now I’m coming back in fashion like I’m vinyl and cassette I’m rhyming with the best time to place your highest bet I’m worth the weight of gold enough to Trump a Puerto Rico debt the world’s a Facebook thread all I see is idle threat no bag of fucks to give only cases of Tourette’s but I’m trying mindfulness so if I’m losing you its only cos the beat from Mr Edison has got me all delusional A pint of lager a dark club a punch up after laughter a heart to heart at the bar plastered words discarded regret I never mastered my Fathers tongue that I’m a bastard from what if he passes is it gone do I lose half of how I’m crafted the seeds we planted see they lasted far beyond the garden they’re not ours well only in our heads and hearts where we start where we are how we start a path it’s not the bricks it’s the hugs that you give when your lips make the words that will settle me quick it’s not the mortar it’s the way I hold my daughters a love immortal disregards walls and borders I lay my hat in many places you couldn’t trace it I get complacent should savour all the things I’m graced with they are my making you couldn’t take with any bailiffs I’ve reached my haven I feel it looking in their faces
4.
Let Me Go 03:28
Will you never let me go I tried to please you so common sense should tell us that we're through Introduced by a mate way back in ’98 like fate you were handed to me on a plate an intoxicating scent the feeling you create you showed me love when all I felt was hate improved my mind state the only one who’d relate to this sadness inside I could never seem to shake before you I’d rather be asleep than awake you never let me break no way my best mate they say I changed you're bad news stay away the same ones told me shut up no one knows what to say the only one who stayed all I need is you what do they know they don't make me feel the way you do no remorse how I come across is par for the course loss after loss lost in loss a lost cause friends whinge it’s frightening the sight of these things but we carried on regardless ‘till nightly we’d binge Will you never let me go I tried to please you so common sense should tell us that we're through Will you never let me go I tried to please you so common sense should tell us that we're through One text or call away you crept in my days came home to you waiting at the end of the day a recluse I became locked away I remained an excuse you became to reduce all the pain you encouraged me to write express and vent as time went on to a lesser extent we’d argue a lot we were more on than off ‘cos resist I cannot reconciled on the spot using line after line we connected the dots to the point I missed out when opportunity knocked in my mind I’m justified no rule I must abide I’m right fuck you all advice was brushed aside on the fence nah choose a side we must collide lies we devised till my life you customised left nights out only us tonight common sense where you been why you just arrived Will you never let me go I tried to please you so common sense should tell us that we're through Will you never let me go I tried to please you so common sense should tell us that we're through It’s been months why am I still pining for you why do you do that thing to my mind that you do why everywhere I look there’s reminders of you I’m still finding what you left behind in my room rewinding my mind to times that you guided me through but I grew from those defining times we knew it’s over I broke it off for good last June I don’t owe you a thing still I’m in debt to you meeting after meetings that's when I knew and admitted the truth I’m addicted to you we did everything together treated you like a spouse all the times I picked you up or had you dropped to the house never able to relax when you’re late or not about made me so paranoid I couldn’t even leave the house gave me self confidence and doubt I could never work it out now I know we could never work it out Will you never let me go I tried to please you so common sense should tell us that we're through Will you never let me go I tried to please you so common sense should tell us that we're through
5.
Knee deep in memory they keep on telling me no need for dwelling they’ll sell me a remedy don’t speak ‘cos men are we are we friend or enemy believe in the melody it’s cheaper than therapy Way back in ’97 I’m surrounded by aggression got a heavy weed obsession and I’m missing every lesson a young mind I’m hiding behind highs school last thing on my mind now I’m a problem child they got me writing lines and not the kind that rhyme the kind that keep me behind a waste of my time my life’s falling apart but what does that matter as long as I’m punished and your ego ain’t shattered don’t try deconstruct it I’m a labeled disruptive no one gives a fuck so fuck I’ll live up to it detention, suspension always on report no support always told it was my fault why can’t you just be more like your sister Paul straight A’s in school I’m not my sister fool teachers never asked if I was ok at all fuck school fuck the rules fuck the world fuck you all Knee deep in memory they keep on telling me no need for dwelling they’ll sell me a remedy don’t speak ‘cos men are we are we friend or enemy believe in the melody it’s cheaper than therapy All this is is therapy there’ll never be a better remedy for me they’ll never see however we forever be writing out of necessity for serenity if it wasn’t for this therapy you would of fucking buried me I’m my own worst enemy but when it’s my pen and me and I’m digging in my memory I’m penning all the energy stemming from me never being free to vent this mentally everything preventing me the very thing propelling me when will they let me see some clemency I’m writing my legacy while depression pressing addiction needs re-addressing lesson the highs and lows signs of conditions I know but how am I supposed to know I never been diagnosed the system let me down so many times I gave up hope I was never allowed to let it out so I could grow so when I get that feeling grab a pen and let it flow it’s cheaper than therapy and the only way i know Knee deep in memory they keep on telling me no need for dwelling they’ll sell me a remedy don’t speak ‘cos men are we are we friend or enemy believe in the melody it’s cheaper than therapy
6.
The space between audience and actor the only thing between me and my main detractor [myself] a staged play keeping reality at bay in the wings watching the story unfold untold whispers echo no crowd roars the final curtain draws my pens nectar silently leaks applause appear standoffish ‘cos what if they find out I’m not this rock I ain’t got this I drop it scared to plant seeds ‘cos mini me will still be me so adopt this mask this part man part will not miss in theory when this argument ends I won’t be here so expect no synopsis I’m all for truth but I’m starting to feel like I’m explaining myself been so many me’s I don’t know which me to leave on the shelf Each stages possibility feels like infinity limits me find fluidity in solidity so I live in a soliloquy saying words I never heard so don’t ask me why I’m saying them now when back then no-one was around don’t complicate simplicity the minute we diminish we leave the vicinity escape captivity into a world of ability I’ve encountered too many enemies to not keep my armour close I guess these karmic ghosts were just looking for a body to host their broken souls this house has re-homed spirits that roam roads that no-one knows as I travel the less travelled my tangled shackles unravel I tackle the gravel in an endless pit of fucked up feelings I’m locked inside my freedom lost inside rhymes with no reason sometimes I get scared demons might creep in whilst I’m sleeping so I burn my candle at both ends keeping my mind running over matters that no longer matter I’m shattered but I can’t drift into dreams at night Instead I fight the tiredness I’ve learnt to function whilst I’m wired I’m wireless A.I, artificial I, fake me, AC I mean how can I stay on task if I don’t protect my energy? you can’t make me shut down the system that saved me this is not my mask this is simply the shards of my past reminding me to protect my soles from their broken glass These masks we wear to protect ourselves two face, faceless, face masks, take off I'm sick of wearing a mask, I ain't Stanley Ipkiss more characters in my legacy than Stan Lee once upon a time I couldn't stand me so I hide behind the crest of a shield from a family forgotten rock bottom, nights hold memories from days of the dead I pray for the day I am free from this cemetery of thoughts some clemency of sorts, reality distorts this mask no longer owns me I'm so used to being lonely now I feel like you dont know me maybe we should talk
7.
Love the way some days I’m happy feeling blessed hate some days I can’t help but feel depressed love the way writing gets it all off my chest but some day’s I hate I just can’t seem to shake the stress love the way they spout hate could care less hate the amount of people I've seen laid to rest love the way life always puts me to the test hate the way these fucking fatal thoughts manifest love the way I fought through always did my best hate some days I can’t think straight head a mess love the fact I don’t feel the need to impress hate the fact I care whether more or less hate the fact I know I shouldn’t but I drink to excess descend the pen to page where I confess live for the moment extract the worthless I hate the fact I’m intact except my purpose [Sometimes] I feel so alive [Sometimes] I can’t even try [Sometimes] I’m wondering why [Sometimes] I’m even alive [Sometimes] I can’t even feel [Sometimes] I’m not really real [Sometimes] I’m not who I am [Sometimes] I’m not even a man No no no no no no no oh sometimes only sometimes Committing sin, breaking laws I’m not who religions for cold heart fall apart when I begin to thaw frost bite my soul we never win some wars I lost sight and control like American gun laws by amending one clause they can press unpause a world all about views why the vision so poor all this grief all the time where’s the peace where’s the line walls and borders we define build them only to decline I miss my crutch I told you I’ve been man enough justifying why I’m down it all gets too much sometimes it’s hard enough getting up let alone try and find the energy to pretend to give a fuck the lesson in depression is the only gain is loss relationships as long as stones that roll and moss alone without a cross atone sober at a loss fighting some kind of never ending end of level boss [Sometimes] I’m not even here [Sometimes] It’s not even clear [Sometimes] sometimes I’m so true [Sometimes] you can see right through [Sometimes] I struggle and try [Sometimes] I cry and I cry [Sometimes] I struggle through tears [Sometimes] and the road’s so unclear [Sometimes] I can’t bear the road [Sometimes] I can’t bear the load [Sometimes] I can’t carry on [Sometimes] I’ve been struggling so long [Sometimes] I just wanna give up [Sometimes] It just all gets to much [Sometimes] I gotta be strong [Sometimes] I gotta carry on Only sometimes Yeah
8.
Y.A I closed my eyes and opened them and still felt in the dark my thumbs twitched and my palms itched as I searched for a spark I only felt alone, I only knew unknown my heart was filled with hurting and that hurting felt like home light dimmed, no light in, the darkness of my soul my soul cried and I died as I tried to fill a hole I tried to feel whole, in the pit of my sorrow I only felt a nothingness that made me dread tomorrow until I saw my shadow and that meant that there was light I wiped my eyes and dried my cries and that meant there, in sight was a source like starts so bright for I see now in my darkness when you were shaken upset when you only feel your heartache you can only feel regret in your emptiness your silhouette marks an outline of the line between the light and the darkness so in my darkest times I began to see that the light that I was looking for was the light left on in me See I know you’re tired and you feel like you’ve lost the light see I know it hurts and you feel like you’ve lost the fight but I know you know that inside you will be just fine don't give up it’ll be alright I know you’re tired and you feel like you’ve lost the light see I know it hurts and you feel like you’ve lost the fight but I know you know that inside you will be just fine don't give up it’ll be alright Looking for answers where I can’t find words write them down following the in crowd made me frown ‘cos when in crowds it’s hard to stand out a million things to say I struggle every day my dark has no light its pitch, only notes are suicide, ripped but when my light shines it’s so bright it shadows any doubt if I could turn back time I’d tell me to be me relentlessly, no apologies or backing down fuck turning a frown upside down I’m taking the world and turning it inside out every turn topsy turvy all the hurt got me swerving but every word keeps the fire burning some days I’m tired and sick nothing ever seems to fit I wanna quit but I know it has to be ok for in the end there is no beginning so where do I start I know you’re tired and you feel like you’ve lost the light see I know it hurts and you feel like you’ve lost the fight but I know you know that inside you will be just fine don't give up it’ll be alright
9.
Isolation and I we’re friends used to be best mates been on and off since sixteen but he’s been back in my life of late the only one who really knows me the only one who’s been there at the lowest points and highs shared lines, beers and joints spent so much time he’s reflected in my eyes look closely, you can see 
 When no one has answers you stop asking questions some things a text book can’t fix the world doesn’t make sense it makes me wanna hide stay inside
 when someone offers help I still say I’m fine weeks of isolation to performing in front of crowds panic attacks mid poem they think it’s Fisky just playing around not knowing my heart feels like it’s about to explode mind racing, thinking about all the drugs that I’ve taken early mornings, face placed in the basin effects on my body and why my mind’s shaking isolation ‘till my mind is actually aching Broken and broke hopeful but hope won’t pay rent mate I can’t work a job I hate where I have to be fake I was someone else for so long this mask you can take Sometimes we just wait Sometimes, this depression I can’t counter it I was the old me so long the new me’s starting to feel counterfeit to the point my minds a broken abacus you can’t count on it Bear the weight Plans in motion but standing still for now, stay still still, where there’s a will the way will be clear old ways their heads rear remembering that day you broke looking at that spot on the floor the same room the same mirror you didn’t recognise your face so many times you answered the phone to death sometimes a text or a Facebook message sent the heights you’ve reached since the lows that followed sometimes I wish the ground I walk on was level just once Messages get no response so you stop sending them this picture they imagine but don’t paint don’t say your inbox is open if it ain’t everyone’s too busy until it’s too late put others first because second place feels safe drink and drugs on my mind too much time to think can’t un-see things in my mind see them when I sleep when I blink so I stay awake thinking about drinking the only reason I don’t is because I can’t afford to delve in an idle mind invites the devil in all it brings is pity to revel in it’s hard to differentiate so sometimes we just wait Use the space Create Sometimes We just wait Use the space
10.
Take a moment to close your eyes Take a deep breathe Breathe in through your nose Breathe out through your mouth Picture yourself in a place where you feel safe Picture yourself in a safe space Do you feel calm? Relaxed? Secure? What can you see around you? What is it like to be there? Are there any smells? Are there any sounds? Is there something you can touch? As you're taking that space in Imagine that someone comes to you and gives you a bag You open the bag and you put every worry Every anxiety, every little thing you're stressed about into that bag Take a moment to feel how heavy that is This is what you're carrying every day And that's a lot You can always go back to it later But for now we're going to leave that bag here You can always use all of these anxieties All these worries, all the little stresses for your art You can use them to create something beautiful Like a poem or a song, whenever you feel ready to process them Whenever you feel like you can think about these things They're here But for now we're just going to leave that bag and walk on Take a deep breathe Feel how nice it is to not have to carry that Feel the freedom on your shoulders Feel the lightness You're safe, you're ok, you're here
11.
I believe That there’ll come the day I believe That there’ll come the day I believe That there’ll come the day When there’s no more pain Yeah I believe That there’ll come the day I believe That there’ll come the day I believe That there’ll come the day When there’s no more pain Yeah no more I believe you can get your life back on track I believe what what you put out is what you get back I believe there’s no limit success you can achieve I believe the right path paves the way to belief I believe we can break free of confinement Realign self with our highest excitement In alignment, re-define what I’m fine meant I believe so now I’m living what I dreamt Fine to vent but try to write with intent Rid life of torment and the scent of descent Surround ourselves with love and people we can laugh with That’s the only way for us to get the right path lit I believe you should never argue with a half wit Never was the smart kid but I hit the mark with Bars from the heart, scars leave a mark to remind of the past But no more living in the dark, peeking out a mask No shame in needing help, ask No seeking comfort in arms of what was Posting blogs until our mental health unravels because Insta Gods advertise a comfort that don’t exist like travel lodge I believe That there’ll come the day I believe That there’ll come the day I believe That there’ll come the day When there’s no more pain Yeah I believe That there’ll come the day I believe That there’ll come the day I believe That there’ll come the day When there’s no more pain Yeah no more I believe you can get your life back on track I believe what what you put out is what you get back I believe there’s no limit success you can achieve I believe the right path paves the way to belief I believe my eyes were closed to see Harsh reality brings a vivid true clarity You want to hear a pattern of a lost boy in a battle of loss rattled off? Check my back catalogue Writers block now the only time I’m ever at a loss You won’t find me in a church, synagogue or mosque But I believe losing faith is the reason I was lost I believe inside us all something resembles God Show love, why not, take a bit of time off Gloves off, tie knot, this is my sign off Detox from the powder, shots and these rocks Close calls had one too many like three socks These locks what stop the devil when he knocks Weak shots, please stop, come on we got lots to celebrate Tell a mate I’m here to elevate Hate can’t lead you up the garden path if you leave it at the gate I believe That there’ll come the day I believe That there’ll come the day I believe That there’ll come the day When there’s no more pain Yeah I believe That there’ll come the day I believe That there’ll come the day I believe That there’ll come the day When there’s no more pain Yeah no more No more, no more, no more, no more, no more No more, no more no no no
12.
Being thankful is something that I’ve incorporated into my life on a daily basis When I open my eyes, I mean the first thing I do when I open my eyes Is I say I’m so grateful for being able to wake up because I know so many people didn’t When the sun comes up I'm so thankful Times get rough I’m so grateful for every day in every way When I’m giving up and you’re showing love You don’t have to I got to say thank you I want to say thank you Two words I never say enough Two little words that can mean so much Thank you to all those in my life I can trust The one’s there when the times got a little tough The ones I let down but you put and propped up I know round the edges I can be a little rough Broke down, re-built from the ground up Those who kicked when I was down and I needed a hand up I ain’t fully healed yet, you can still get fucked But thank you, you opened my eyes to so much I rose through my fall, stood tall, I don’t duck Capricorn traits, I’m stubborn as fuck But all that really means is I’m never giving up On either me or you, quitting isn’t in my plan So if I offer you my hand that offer will always stand But you have to want to change That much I understand When the sun comes up It’s so thankful Times get rough I’m so grateful for every day in every way When I’m giving up and you’re showing love You don’t have to I got to say thank you To everyone I grew up with, hi, it’s been a while I had to move on I still hear my mothers cries We had some good times reminiscing brings a smile Bitter sweet but it’s still D-Side until I die The place that broke and made me I’m hopeful maybe one day we may see me face what plagues me An eighties baby, the nineties raised me The naughties taught me Who’d of thought that trauma would have brought me The tools that I needed to support me So thank’s if you ever had a kind word to say Reached out, sent a message, shown love in any way Took the time to view, interview, review, remix Play tune or two or download from iTunes Bought a ticket come through the mom stage is for you I’ve been a problem child since I tied my shoes Now it’s time for solutions, salute, thank you. When the sun comes up It's so thankful Times get rough I’m so grateful for every day in every way When I’m giving up and you’re showing love You don’t have to I got to say thank you There’s so many tiny little things that cause such Irritation or pain or heartache To be not in that moment And not to be suffering that for me is so blessed And that gratitude and that gratefulness for me Just gives me the energy of life boy Keep your head up, stay positive and don’t worry about anything man Everything always works out in the end

about

Cheaper Than Therapy

The New album from Fisky. Poet, Rapper, Founder of Mind Over Matter and member of Londons FLOpoet Collective, mentored by Natalie 'The Floacist' Stewart, founding member of seven time Grammy nominated Neo Soul duo, Floetry.

credits

released June 13, 2022

Writing Credits + Features:

Fisky
Salma El-Wardany [1]
Charles Edison + Jaz Kahina [3]
Miss Yankey [6]
Greg Blackman [7]
Y.A [8]
Anna Sinski [10]
Faisal Salah [11]
Flo [12]


Special Appearances:

Shay D [12]
Henry Beckwith / Word Spoken Podcast [5]
Bobby Temps / Mental Podcast [5]


Production Credits:

Riddle [7,11,12]
Charles Edison [2,3,4,5]
Femi Santiago [2,3,4,6,11,12]
Richard Campbell [5,7]
Jurrivh [9]
Jurrivh; Antun Vuic p/k/a tunnaBeatz [Collaborator] [1]
Jurrivh; Andre Neves, David Veiga, p/k/a Majestic [Collaborator] [8]

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about

Fisky London, UK

Fisky is a Poet, Rapper, Public Speaker, Founder of Mind Over Matter and member of London’s #Flopoet collective mentored by Natalie ‘The Floacist’ Stewart.

Writing has always been Fisky’s therapist. He draws on his twenty years lived experience with addiction and depression to raise awareness and process his own struggles.
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