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Tremors & Temptations [Single]

by Fisky

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A letter to the 16 year old me. Yes, it is that poem.

Inspired by a conversation with Salma El-Wardany

lyrics

A life left behind
The only one you ever knew
Living in the past
Is something you choose
Cos you know how it works there
There’s comfort in the same

People ask
To the sixteen year old you
What would you say?
I said he wouldn’t listen
To either me or you
I said I’d say nothing
But that’s not entirely true
Just try feel what that kid would
If this was said to you

You’ll be in a place
Where you’re gonna have to fight
Both physically and mentally just for you to survive
You’ll think you won’t make it
At times you won’t even try
There’ll be tremors and temptations
Wish I could say it’s an easy ride
But that’s a lie
No one understands
You turn to alcohol and drugs to soothe
For twenty years, your mind, your soul, your body you’ll abuse

You’ll end up losing everything
You’ll watch your family die
There’ll be nothing you can do
You’ll lose the ones alive too
And think it’s all because of you
You’ll lose yourself in loss
Until you lose yourself too
You’ll lose and lose and lose
Until there’s nothing left to lose
You’ll break down inside
When you’ve had enough of you
The you you thought was you
The you you’ve been taught was you
Ain’t you
And somewhere down the line
You’ll be alone in a room
After three days of doing what you know to do
Unemployed, scared, not knowing what to do
In the mirror - a strangers face is looking back at you
Strangely, that reflection helps to see the real you
And finally you see, there’s nothing left to lose

Mind Over Matter
These words become your truth
These traumatic events
In your hectic young life
It’s poetic in the end an event will save your life
A little preview
This where the story begins
Everything starts ringing true
These tremors and temptations that took away your youth
Will be the making of you, hard to see but that’s the truth

The life you left will beckon you
Through memories
But mainly Whatsapp groups
You miss the friends you made
You miss them every day
These Tremors and Temptations will be with you all the way
All this hopelessness
Eventually you’ll turn it into art
Why can’t you ever write a happy song?
They’ll ask
They’ll ridicule, while you’re living through
Everything you’ve written
And it’ll hurt because everything you’ve written is true

There’ll be twenty interviews
Just remember
No one is qualified you to tell you what you’re qualified to do
They’ll tell you follow rules
To mind your p’s and q’s
But fuck that
Their rules an ego masseuse
A power trip
They’ll tell you don’t quit
Stick to what you know
Even if what you know is the reason you can’t grow
Being a man can be lonely
You’re gonna feel alone
And spend your life not knowing what these broken words mean
Until you finally find a home in the spoken word scene
You’re about to meet some people
Who are gonna change your life
Give a platform to express instead of asking why you write
The energy they give
You’ve been seeking all your life
Since a kid
You knew something wasn’t right
They listen
Don’t tell you if you’re wrong or right
The path you’re walking now is one of healing
Freedom
One you can believe in

You’ll find what you love
To make it happen
You’ll have to go back to a place
Where you’re gonna have to fight
Both physically and mentally just to keep this dream alive
I know you’re tired
I know you’re tired
There’s no drugs this time
There’s no escape you have to face
I know you’re tired
You’re tired of the fights
The balance still ain’t right
The path you walked for so long was wrong
But led you to the one that’s right
This where the chapter ends
But the book is far from written

credits

released June 23, 2019
Written by Fisky
Artwork by Alex Frances

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Fisky London, UK

Fisky is a Poet, Rapper, Public Speaker, Founder of Mind Over Matter and member of London’s #Flopoet collective mentored by Natalie ‘The Floacist’ Stewart.

Writing has always been Fisky’s therapist. He draws on his twenty years lived experience with addiction and depression to raise awareness and process his own struggles. ... more

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