I’m reaching out as I heard you’ve been going through it
you won’t like what I’m about to say but you need to hear it
you’ve gone back to your old ways
because they’re safe
but the same problems await
the common denominator is young you alone
if not why do these problems follow you every where you go?
you’ve been experimenting with booze to see if you’re still the old you
turns out you are
nothing new
same old beefs
same old you.
I ain’t saying man up
or you ain’t man enough
but this man ain’t enough
you got too much to do
the old you can’t do it
only the new
I heard you’ve become a recluse
using the same tired excuse
but but but
shut up
cheaper than therapy
but it’s clear this therapy ain’t enough
you’re doing the same shit
what you’ve been through is real and you still won’t deal with it
maybe some problems writing cant fix
maybe you’re just a piece of shit
a selfish prick
your parents brought you up better than this
I know they ain’t here
I know a lot of people ain’t
losing one is hard enough
your level of loss is almost boss

People say you’re tough and can handle anything
but what they don’t know is at home
you cry alone
say you’re fine when Whatsaap’in
in person you act cool, like, Whatsaap’nin
holding back the tears
I know you wish they were but they ain’t here
when are you going to accept that?
I know you feel defeated
I know you feel cheated
since sixteen you’ve been searching for something
not realising it was you
you became what you were craving
then caved in
now all over again you have to find him
I know they don’t tell you
your new life will cost you your old in the end
that’s what you’ve been struggling with most
in the middle of both
you never felt like you fitted in
and sometimes feel like you don’t fit in in the scene
but all fitting in really is is
being at peace within
sometimes you measure your words against others
are the metaphors, similes and wordplay up to par
truth is your words are your words
and
that’s a bar

There’s been storms in you for years
lately they’ve calmed
but that’s what scares you
you know Thunder follows
running away from a promising future that could be everything
into the arms of a past that promised nothing
but took everything

Recently you re-visited the past
that well trodden path
only to find out it hasn’t changed
they say you can change the frame but the picture stays the same
if the past hasn’t seen change then
how can it take note
life changes this big bring fall-out
why are you back in the queue
pushing in just to fall out
you’ve been on this ride
you exceeded the height requirements of this life
you’re outnumbered you clown
this ain’t fairground
circling from the safety of bumper cars
the distance from centre to circumference
is the same at all points
so you’ll always end up back where the Centre Parks
you wanna erase but can’t delete control by pressing
Alt-on Towers
of grief you pray
Oblivion your Nemesis
its time to alter ways
your depression goes deeper than the Nebuchadnezzer
Neo never dodged bullets until he believed in himself
the problem with vision is
yours can't be seen by anyone else

It’s hard finding a higher power in your lowest hour
but you won’t find anything in this middle ground you scour
I know it seems like people don’t hear
but how they supposed to hear when you don’t speak clear
when you do shit to make them disappear
and they should too
because this is toxic
life’s a journey and sobriety’s a process
but you ain’t trying anymore
you’re using it as an excuse
there’s a part of you that doesn’t want to get better
because chaos blurs everything until it doesn’t matter
so, why should you matter?
you ain’t the only victim of your addiction
you’ve become a hypocrite
take your own advice and face it
I believe you can beat it
but right now
you ain't the same man you were last year
all those stages
thousands gave you their time, support and ear
listened to your story
where’s that man gone?

You feel it when you walk on stage
the connection ain’t the same
because the truth has changed
you haven’t lied
but you’re back in the very same place you overcame
at the lowest point of your life you helped others
created the platform you never had
because you know what its like to never have

Look at everyone around you that believes in and supports you
you wanna lose them too?
because you will. and when you do.
there’ll be nothing left for you.
and addiction will win.
thats what it does. It takes everything.
it doesn’t love you Paul.
you can hide behind Fisky all you want but you’re both going to fall

You always struggled with the group mentality
lads lads lads
but this collective is individually the best thing that’s ever happened
and that’s a fact
Becksy Becks’ Rock Bottom has trampolines
yours doesn’t
you hit it at 16 and moved in
comfy chair, candles lit, shit if you’re staying you may as well get comfortable with it
what do I need to do to get through mate
underline, highlight, shout out, Annotate
‘cos its a matter of mind matters
you speak of these mind matters
and provide platforms for others
but why won’t you let your mind matter
what happened to mind over matter

You need to choose. Old or new.
Hayah already told you here’s no room in her Universe for another U
this battle you’ll conquer
navigate this human chapter
before the parasite takes over the host
and you can’t heal a (Gila) monster

Look at the last two years
you wanna throw all that away.
for a beer
for some gear
maybe it’s time to focus on yourself
take a break
ask for help
let the dust clear
anyway
I’ll leave it here
I hope you can make the change
hopefully we’ll look back in a years time
and see it was just a phase

Yours sincerely
The old new
You